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(This dating safety advice is written primarily for women, but men can benefit from applying this advice as well.)

Don’t Trust Your Memory or Him Either, Make Him Earn Your Trust, Take Notes

Long before actually making the commitment to meet a man face to face for a first date, you should be taking notes about him: where he grew up, where he attended school, his current and past employment, his opinions, his attitudes, his likes/dislikes; in fact, take notes from the very first phone conversation. Then continually re-discuss various subjects to see if there is a strong pattern of consistent answers. If not, this man might be a liar, scammer or worse.

In addition to comparing his current “story” to your notes from past conversations, save all his email messages in a folder, and re-read them. Also, depending on how common his name is, (searching for ‘Jim Smith’ will not work) do a quick search on google.com to see if he pops up.

For Example: say ‘Mr. John UniqueMultiSyllableLastName’ tells you he is a lawyer with a JD degree from UCLA and he works for a big law firm in downtown San Diego. Well, that is easy to verify, google his name to see if he is featured on the website of any law firms in San Diego (is there a photo of him that matches his dating profile photo?); then check the California Bar Association for ‘Mr. John UniqueMultiSyllableLastName’; and maybe even check the UCLA alumni listings for ‘John UniqueMultiSyllableLastName’ or ‘Jonathon UniqueMultiSyllableLastName’. Be creative and make him earn your trust with consistent, verifiable answers. If things about him just don’t add up, or if he seems too good to be true, do some more digging.

Beware of men who appear charming, needy and want to give you the great “privilege” of helping them out financially, or being a part of their BIG plans. No matter what their story is, starting a business, health care expenses, or whatever financial need they may hit you with, the answer should be no. Keep your finances private and separated completely from anyone you are dating. Just ask the man what he would do for money, loans or whatever before he met you. Loans can turn into gifts, especially after a breakup, and that is just plain wrong.

Also don’t let yourself be financially eaten alive one date/bite at a time, by men who ask you out and then won’t pay because “oops, I forgot my wallet” is their excuse. The rule is, or should be, he who does the inviting or asking out should have the money to pay, unless he says ahead of time, “Let’s go Dutch, ok?” There’s just plain cheap, and then there are men who are scared into being cheap-skates due to the bad economy, fear of job loss.

Dates don’t have to cost an arm and a leg. Sometimes a walk and a talk can accomplish more toward bringing you two together than a dinner at an expensive restaurant.

Trust Your Instincts More Than You Trust Him

Before dating him, get a background check for dating, it will confirm or deny your suspissions. Or if there are huge, glaring inconsistencies in his ‘story’, you should strongly consider putting some time and distance between you. Tell him that for the next two or three weeks you will be very busy and you sure miss emailing and conversing with him, but it will be impossible to keep up the pace for the next two or three weeks. A man who is truly interested in you, for you, will be a gentleman and patiently give you some space. Don’t let your desire for a successful relationship with him or any other man cloud your emotions or your better judgement.

Married Men Enjoy Online Dating Just As Much As Singles Do

Though it is really impossible to get an exact figure, it is estimated that 30% of all online daters are actually married, NOT single. Unless dating married men (or women) is your thing, here are some telltale signs that will help you avoid cheating husbands (or wives).

Stage One

Married men often make the first contact with a very vague, brief introduction, and then to avoid talking about themselves, they ask a barrage of questions about you. Visiting their dating profile you may notice no photo, or a fuzzy photo of them to prevent detection that they are seeking an affair. They may be looking for a certain sex fantasy type, or just some women who is naïve or seems desperate enough to be manipulated, used and deceived.

Stage Two

You just love his witty emails. You are getting hooked on him, and being slowly reeled in. But communication is erratic at best. Why so long getting back to you? Is he busy with his wife and family? Or, if not erratic, overly consistent communication with you at set times may indicate that he is married and can only get back to you when his wife and family are asleep, or he is at his workplace, or on his lunch hour. You may not hear from him on weekends, he may have a wife and kids to keep him busy on weekends. Take note of the times he sends you messages. Write them on your calendar.

Stage Three

Warning: Before you ever even join an online dating service do two important things:

1. Get a ‘disposable’ free email address at hotmail, gmail, yahoo or wherever…and only use it for online dating. Never give out your real email address that can be traced to your place of work or any other way of identifying you.

2. Get a voicemail/forwarding phone number at a site like www.GotVMail.com … and only use it for online dating. Never give out your home or work phone numbers that can allow a man to find you without your permission.

He asks for your phone number, but maybe he is just old fashioned and won’t give you his, or maybe he is married and gives you only his cell phone number, or nothing at all. With the ease in which you can set up a phone number online with sites like www.GotVMail.com, it's possible that he might have a false number set up (just like you do) to direct to his home or cell phone at certain hours, and outside of that time frame, it simply directs to voice mail. This enables him to keep you from contacting him when he is at home with family while satisfying your request for a real number.

Ok, now you’re talking, but why is it at such erratic or overly consistent times? Go back and read “Stage Two” and compare the times he calls to the times he emailed you. Can he only call, or email you at certain times (and never on weekends) because he might just have a wife and maybe even kids to get out of the way first?

Stage Four, You Open the Door to Dating Face to Face

Ok, now you’re dating, in fact you have been going out with him for several months, but certain things just do not add up. Why won’t he tell you his last name? Why won’t he tell you where he lives, where he works, where he goes to church or what gym he works out at, etc.? A closer relationship is based on mutual sharing and communication. His excuses for not opening up should get very old and annoying after he skirts around questions like where he grew up, can I meet some of your friends and family, etc.? Does he only want to double date with your friends, never his own friends.

Stage Five

Sometimes it is enough of a thrill or turn on for a married man to just get you to do sexy things with him via, webcam, sexy email or phone sex; and he never, ever intends to meet you face to face. You are his virtual online affair and fantasy sex toy and that is the way he likes it. If after a reasonable time, you do not meet face to face for a real, first date…dump this loser…there truly is a vast online ocean of honest men out there eager to get to know you, and they are actually single!